just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
