I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
