She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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