the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
