My room smells like vodka and shame
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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