ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
