my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
