Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just puked most of my soul out..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
