remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
