tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need moral support for this bender
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
