Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
