I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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