Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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