my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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