No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
