I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
