It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
