just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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