this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You left your phone here
Wait...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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