bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
