Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
