Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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