the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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