i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
