She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I will be naked everywhere
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
