she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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