We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
