my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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