I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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