If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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