i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
