I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
