is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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