oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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