you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Non-Jews are for practice
I queefed so loud it echoed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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