If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
