I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize