a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
