i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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