it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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