So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
