Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
