I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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