Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
