We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
