Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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