You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
