so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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