Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
