Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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