why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
