I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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