Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
