Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
