I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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