someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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