just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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