I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
