His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
