sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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