i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
