ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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