There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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