you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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