Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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