So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
