Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He shit in the fireplace
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
