Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
