A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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